How To Regain Our Humanity: The Story of Ishmael Beah

When I was in New York, I had the opportunity to attend a closed session at the UN regarding future policy on children and armed conflict. The session was arranged by Jimmie Briggs, UN goodwill ambassador concerning issues of child soldiers and author of Innocents Lost . Zlata Filipovic, author of Stolen Voices, and Ishmael Beah, author of A Long Way Gone, the invited panelists, both 26 years old and born within 10 days of one another, spoke with wisdom and clarity about their experiences as children in the midst of two simultaneous conflicts in the early 1990s: Bosnia and Sierra Leone. As someone of the same age born during peace time in an affluent country, it was compelling to consider the different paths our lives had taken simply because of where we were born. Yet despite the varying roads that led us there, we were all gathered in the same room together at the UN because we feel compelled to raise awareness, to offer hope, to be a light in the darkness. Throughout the course of my journeys, I have met many young people alive with hope for the world, passionate about the fact that we will move through these turbulent times to a time of great peace. Listening to Zlata and Ishmael speak about surviving conflict with dignity and hope intact reinforced my own belief that the world is not beyond repair.

As a former child soldier forced to commit horrible acts of violence in Sierra Leone, Ishmael understands what it means to lose his humanity. After being rehabilitated by one of the organizations dedicated to rescuing child soldiers, he began his journey of recovery and found a new home in the United States with a host family. When he was in college, one of his professors assigned the class to write about how they played as children. For Ishmael, a favorite childhood game was guessing what type of gun was firing in the distance, a scenario his fellow classmates found understandably hard to comprehend. Because his fellow students expressed such an interest in his experiences as a child soldier, Ishmael realized that he could raise awareness through telling his story. Writing his memoir did not, however, come without a cost, as he had to relive the past he had fought hard to forget in order to write with detailed honesty. The result of his soul searching is a genuinely beautiful and unforgettable book whose central message is not about the depraved nature of man, but about man's ability to retain hope and regain humanity, even in the midst of unimaginable devastation and conflict.

Both Zlata and Ishmael spoke of the resiliency of the human spirit, the intense desire to live and to find happiness wherever one can. Zlata kept a diary in order to survive the devastating bombing in her hometown of Sarajevo in 1993. The urge to document, she said, arises from hope. One writes in order to stay sane, to try to make sense of one's surroundings. Though Ishmael could not keep a diary, he echoed Zlata's sentiments when he talked about his continued belief that the war would end soon. Each day he and his friends would say that the war would end, and each day when they went to sleep, they believed that the war would end the next day. That belief, that hope, helped him carry on.

During his speech at the UN, Ishmael recalled witnessing people he had known his whole life turn into killers seemingly overnight. Though the civil war stemmed from a desire to overthrow a corrupt government, the citizens of Sierra Leone soon became caught in a web of dueling propaganda. During his interview with Jon Stewart, Ishmael said that both the government and the rebel forces recruited soldiers, including children, using the exact same propaganda. Both advocated violence and revenge, and insisted that the other side was the cause of all the misery in the country. The people caught in the middle wanted the violence to end, but they did not know whom to fight or whom to trust and were easily manipulated by recruiters. People committed acts of violence of which they never would have thought themselves capable before the war, including Ishmael and many people he knew.

Despite being both a victim and a perpetrator of violence, Ishmael believes that human beings are capable of regaining their humanity. Training someone to become a killer is easy, he said, but the journey to regain your spirit and humanity is infinitely harder. Ishmael is just one example of someone who has been successful in that journey - his love for life, warm smile, and soulful eyes invite shared belief in the resiliency of the human spirit. The fact that he retains his smile and laughter despite all that he has been through is a testament to what we are all capable of doing: renewing ourselves and believing that the world can be saved, as Ishmael was, through the dedication and hope of collective action.

According to the UN, there are over 300,000 child soldiers (soldiers under the age of 18) fighting for both government and rebel forces throughout the world. If you are interested in learning more about what is being done both to prevent the recruitment of child soldiers and to rehabilitate former child soldiers, review the links listed at the end of this post. This post, however, is not just a call to action on the issue of children and armed conflict, but a call to believe in the power of renewal and our collective ability to regain our humanity as a nation and as a planet. When we have hope, we have the possibility of a better tomorrow. Without hope, we have nothing. So here's to the courage and bravery of Ishmael - another reason for hope.

Ishmael's book was recently released, and he is currently on a promotional speaking tour to publicize the book and raise awareness about the use of child soldiers in modern conflicts. Click on the link to the left under "Rebecca's Recommended Articles and Videos" to watch Jon Stewart's moving interview of Ishmael on the Daily Show.

Organizations Rescuing Child Soldiers:
Save The Children
The International Rescue Committee
Childsoldier.org
Amnesty International
Human Rights Watch
UNICEF

To See is To Love: A Valentine's Day Reflection

The other day I was listening to a song by the Indigo Girls entitled "Love's Recovery" about a couple who stayed together through difficult times while other couples they knew separated "in search of fairer weather." When the couple moved past the idea of love's perfection and made the decision to stay together, they began the path of learning to see each other and celebrated "love's discovery." The song illustrated that no matter how often one seeks a "better relationship," a point will always arise when the initial superficial love fades and learning to love more deeply begins.

Love requires learning to see the other person for who they are, not who we would like them to be. When we love someone, we expect him or her to fill a certain role, and are often surprised and shaken when the person steps outside that role. We have, for example, probably all come to a point in our lives when we realized that our mothers are also women. Moving past the idea of loving them just because they are our mothers and allowing them to be women with their own interests, hopes, and desires opens a point of entry for a more fulfilling relationship and enables them to more actively pursue their own dreams.

When we go through life expecting other people to stay the same, or do not allow them to grow into different roles, then we basically render them invisible. Not only does that limit their growth, but it also limits your growth. Who knows how another person may change and grow, and, in turn, how you may change and grow? The fear of this growth, however, stems from the questions, "What if we grow apart? What if he/she changes and realizes he/she doesn't need me anymore? What if I don't like who he/she becomes? What if love fades?" Fear poisons relationships. Sometimes change is slow, sometimes change is painful, but part of loving someone is allowing them to be human, allowing them to try things and fail, allowing them to be different than the people we once knew, allowing them to explore themselves. Consider this: growth begets growth. Trapping someone in a certain role will cut the oxygen from the relationship. The fires of passion need oxygen (and thereby space) to continue to burn.

A week or so ago, my friend asked me what my goals are. I thought for a moment, and then went through the list (river rafting, learning to fiddle, hiking the American Discovery trail, learning to let go of worry, and so on). She nodded as I listed each goal, but looked up with surprise when I said, "Staying married to Ted for the rest of my life." "Does that count as a goal?" she asked. I think what she meant was, "Isn't it a given that if you get married you will want to stay together for the rest of your life? Does it really need to be a separate goal?" In my mind, it does.

My goal is to love Ted, "see" Ted, and express my love to him in varying ways so that he knows he has a strong foundation of love from which to grow. Because it is my goal, I have to consciously think through the steps I should take to achieve the goal. When I review my goals each week to make sure that my actions for the week reflect my goal, I also think about our relationship. This constant reflection and examination helps me keep Ted and the health of our relationship at the forefront of my mind, ensuring that I give it the attention it deserves. I ask myself, "How can I "see" him better? How can I foster his goals and help him to succeed? How can I be more open to change? How can I be a better listener? In what ways can I express my love this week?"

The same friend who was asking about my goals also asked what Ted and I were like five years ago, before we were married. Her question made me think of all the adventures we've had together, all the ways in which we've changed because of one another, and all the varying interests we have pursued. Though we are both quite different people than we were when we met, we are both happier, more self-confident, and more alive than we ever have been! And life seems to get better by the day! Ted is learning to play guitar, I am learning to play fiddle, and we are both planning and designing the garden. Ted is starting his own photography business, and I am publishing my writing. We both read constantly and share what we've learned with each other. And we constantly encourage each other to venture outside, spend time with friends, and enjoy life. We often tell each other that we are one another's balance. Because of our mutual support, encouraging words, and foundation of love, we have been able to grow into individuals of which we can be proud!

But learning to "see" other people doesn't stop with learning to see my partner. Over the last few months, I have tried to let go of my idea of what certain roles should entail, or the ways that certain people should act. I am constantly surprised that people I have known for years are in fact very different than the people I thought they were, because I blinded myself to other aspects of their personalities by refusing to see past the roles they had always played in my life. My relationships are becoming richer as I learn to appreciate all that others have to offer! So Happy Valentine's Day, and here's to learning to "see" one another!

Finding Community

After a long absence, I am back to posting! I was so busy writing for my internship with Amnesty that I had no time left over to post . . . And then we moved back across the country to San Francisco! But now we are settled and are actually planning to be in one place for more than three months, meaning we have a more regular schedule. It's hard to believe we've already been here for over a month, and that if we were still traveling, we'd be halfway through our assignment! While we were traveling, our goal was to experience as much of the location as possible before moving on the the next assignment. While we still want to experience all that the Bay Area has to offer, we also want to experience the feeling of belonging to a community. We want to become involved in the area and be able to put down at least a few roots, start a garden, bike to work, join local groups, go to the community center, get to know our neighbors . . . So, here are the things we have done to get to know our community so far. Through these links you can get to know our community too!

[We often talk about walking through the door of opportunity. Ted took the above photo in Greenwich Village this fall]

The first things I wanted to know:
1) Where/how do we recycle? To find out, I went to www.earth911.org, which allowed me to look up recycling services by zip code, including what types of glass, plastics, and other wastes are recycled in our area. I also went to www.freecycle.org to join the local freecycle group whose mission is to "build a worldwide gifting movement that reduces waste, saves precious resources & eases the burden on our landfills while enabling our members to benefit from the strength of a larger community." The only rule is that everything posted on the site must be entirely free. So far, I have picked up homemade cards and a set of wine glasses. More about my Freecycle experiences coming in a later blog! (I promise that there will be a later blog!)

2) Where can I take violin lessons? To find a violin teacher, I went to www.craigslist.org, which is an online classifieds site. We found our apartment in New York through this website as well. I found a quality violin teacher through the site, and just returned from my third lesson! Today I learned a basic Bluegrass tune, and my teacher promised that if I perfected the basic tune by next lesson, she would teach me how to make it sound more "bluegrassy" (for lack of a better term). While I'm sure my neighbors are about to pull their hair out with all the practicing, I am enjoying learning an instrument I've always wanted to play. I have grand visions of playing fiddle on the back porch while watching my garden grow :-)

3) Where is the closest community grocery store? One of you may know a quick way to find this information online, but I relied on the phonebook. I knew I didn't want to go to one of the larger supermarkets, so I made a list of other groceries close by, visited, and then found one that I liked. Of course, I am also lucky enough to live within three miles of a Trader Joe's, a Whole Foods, and a Fresh Market in case I need anything the local store doesn't carry. As I've said in previous posts, I enjoy getting to know my butcher, my grocer, and the people who shop when I do. Shopping for food should be a pleasure rather than a headache, and I almost always reward myself (and Ted) with a jar of Strauss milk whenever I visit the grocery. Ted loves to lick the cream from the top of the milk jar!

4) When/where is the local farmer's market? To find this, I typed in the name of my city + "farmer's market" in Google. Again, because I live in California, I have several markets from which to choose. Our farmer's market is every Sunday afternoon, and draws a good crowd. After reading an article about buying local in this month's copy of Yes! magazine (www.yesmagazine.org), I followed their advice and searched for a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) on www.localharvest.org. (Belonging to a CSA or farmer's cooperative ensures you a weekly or monthly delivery of fresh produce from a local farm). I found Live Earth Farm (www.liveearthfarm.com) located in Watsonville, CA, which provides a basket of food per week for $23. Recipes and a weekly newsletter come with the basket (See the website for past issues). I spent a whole afternoon looking over past recipes and farm talk!

5) Where is the closest/best local coffee shop? You know how much we like coffee! We've tried a few so far, but our favorite is still the Palo Alto Cafe, whose lattes, bagels, and warm convivial atmosphere are hard to beat! We did, however, branch out when we were in Half Moon Bay to try what the local papers call "The Best Chai West of Bombay." Though I've never been to Bombay, it was the best chai I've tried in the United States! MMMM. . . . Followed by a walk on Montara Beach . . . What could be better?

6) Where is the library? Easy enough to find both in the phone book and online. We've already checked out about 20 books on topics ranging from the environmental movement, to sustainable home design, to organic gardening, to Edward Abbey, to Sartre. Books of the month to recommend: Black Sun ( and Desert Solitaire by Edward Abbey, The Things We Keep by Elizabeth Berg, The Art of Natural Building by Joseph Kennedy, and The Bountiful Container by McGee and Stuckey.

7) Where is the community center? Also easy to find and a great place to sign up for continuing education classes, community groups, and use of a heated swimming pool!

8) What is the best bike path to take to get to work? For this route and ideas about local mountain biking trails, I went to www.pedaling.com. I haven't taken the bike to work yet as it has been raining non-stop. (I know that isn't an excuse for you hard-core peddlers out there, but I'm just not there yet :-) The rain is supposed to stop after Wednesday though!

9) How can I get more involved in the community? I went to www.idealist.org
to find out more about local groups. Fortunately, I came to the area just in time to attend the inaugural meeting of the San Jose Idealist group! 50 or so non-profit leaders and community members attended to find out how they could all collaborate to ensure effective and efficient community service. How thrilling it was to be in a room full of like minded individuals who truly want to be part of a community, especially a face to face interactive community! While I will post more about this meeting in another blog, you can check out photos and videos of the first meeting at: http://siliconvalley.wikia.com/wiki/Idealist.org_Silicon_Valley_-_Start-up_Meeting_Feedback
Check out photos of me talking with other Arts and Education folks!

So, these are the people and places in my neighborhood that I know so far. Who are the people in your neighborhood?